Therapy to Improve your Self-Esteem

Time to QUIET your inner critic

How is having Low Self-Esteem getting in the way of truly enjoying your life?

Does this sound familiar?

  • You tend to focus more on the one thing you did wrong, rather than all the things you’ve done right. 

  • You’re constantly trying to give others the benefit of the doubt, but no one gives this back to you. Not even yourself.

  • You’re walking on eggshells around others, and spend a lot of energy trying to please others who honestly don’t treat you that well.

  • It’s hard to set boundaries or say “no” to others when they need something, even when saying “yes” to everything is slowly killing you.

  • You can’t imagine letting go of relationships, even ones that bring you more harm than good.

  • You struggle with PEOPLE PLEASING, OVERTHINKING, FEELING LIKE YOU’RE TOO MUCH OR NOT ENOUGH, OR SHAME.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the way you value yourself as a person. Your self-esteem reflects your level self-acceptance, self-respect and how good you feel about yourself. Self-esteem exists on a spectrum: some experience very low self-esteem and others very high self-esteem - and everything in between.

Healthy self-esteem means having a more positive and realistic sense of self. You recognize your strengths and abilities, while acknowledging your areas for growth. Low self-esteem is characterized by negative self-perception, including self-doubt, worthlessness, and negative thoughts and beliefs about your capabilities, our character, and more. It's no wonder low self-esteem impacts mental health and well-being!

There's often overlap between low self-esteem and mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, etc. The negative self-perceptions of low self-esteem can fuel the feelings of low self worth that can be characteristic of depression. Depressive symptoms can have a negative impact on one's life functioning, causing a person to feel worthless and hopeless.

There can also be a negative feedback loop between low self-esteem and anxiety. If a person has low self-esteem and self-doubt, they may experience worry and anxiety about their career or academic achievement, whether they'll be be accepted or rejected by others, etc. The relationship between anxiety and low self-esteem can become evident in early childhood and young adulthood with continuing effects throughout life.


Causes of Low Self-Esteem

Negative Childhood Experiences:
Your early life and past experiences form the template upon which you develop your core beliefs about yourself. Neglect, conflict, abuse or trauma can affect your self-esteem into adulthood.

Critical and Disapproving Authority Figures: Ongoing negative feedback or harsh criticism erodes self-confidence and contributes to feelings of worthlessness. As a child, making mistakes may have resulted in excessive punishment or disapproval. Without sufficient, developmentally-appropriate positive reinforcement and validation, children can develop low self-esteem.

Unhealthy Family Dynamics Ongoing family conflict and lack of emotional support are often tied to self-esteem issues. To psychologically cope, children often unconsciously adopt unrealistic beliefs, (e.g., "It's my fault my parents are fighting; I must be a bad person").

Bullying and Peer Rejection Social acceptance is crucial during early childhood, adolescence and young adulthood. The negative impact of bullying and rejection on self-esteem and mental health can upset a persons whole well-being.

Cultural and Social Expectations: Cultural norms, religion, social media, etc. influence your perception of yourself. Comparing yourself to others and not “measuring up” to expectations can lead to feeling of inadequacy and poor self esteem.

Unhealthy Relationships: Relational dysfunction, including abuse, can lead to self-esteem issues. You may blame yourself for negative treatment by others, particularly if you’ve experienced past unhealthy relationship dynamics or relational trauma.

Traumatic Events: Emotional neglect, abuse, interpersonal violence, etc. is closely associated with low self-esteem. When trauma leads to the development of mental health conditions (PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc) self-esteem can become further eroded. Self-doubt, feeling worthless, impaired self-respect and pronounced lack of self-compassion can all be features of many mental health conditions.

It may feel impossible now, but you can feel confident in yourself. You can be as kind, gentle, and generous to yourself as you are to others. You can genuinely feel like you are enough.

And I can help you get there.

My approach to therapy for low self-esteem

It's hard to accept - let alone love - yourself with low self-esteem. I see you, and I bring lots of understanding and empathy to counseling for self-esteem. Your low self-esteem manifests in a way that is unique to you, and it's important to me to honor where you're at with open-hearted care and respect.

I understand the "inner workings" of low self-esteem and my training and therapy experience with my clients help me to skillfully facilitate lasting growth and change. I use an array of trauma informed and somatic therapy modalities, grounded in a deep understanding of how low self-esteem arises and can be transformed:

Internal Family Systems-Informed Therapy: By working therapeutically with the parts of you that hold "cognitive distortions" (untrue thought patterns), feelings of shame and low self-esteem, you can connect with your "8 C's": calm, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness which helps when working with your parts so you can connect and build your authentic self.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing

Using bilateral stimulation (back-and-forth eye movement, sound or tapping), EMDR processes the trauma of painful past experiences that can drive feelings of low self-esteem. Your brain can "reprogram," replacing harsh thought patterns for healthy self-esteem .

Mindfulness

The positive psychological impact of mindfulness techniques can help improve your self-esteem. I can skillfully facilitate the strategic use of mindful self-awareness as a powerful tool for healing and increasing self-esteem. In therapy I'll help you build your "mindfulness muscle" to more effectively work with the issues, thoughts and cognitive distortions that drive your self-esteem challenges.

Somatic-informed Therapy

The mind-body connection plays a critical role in mental health and improving self-esteem! By incorporating gentle body-awareness interventions that work with unique physiology of your nervous system (which holds and initiates our emotional responses), you can work effectively through emotional issues related to low self-esteem.

Therapy for self-esteem can help you…

  • Break patterns of negative self-talk

  • Improve your self-esteem and self-compassion

  • Validate and honor yourself and your needs 

  • Prioritize yourself without feeling selfish

  • Create the boundaries you need in life

You can love yourself again

You don’t have to continue being your own worst enemy!

Questions?

FAQs

  • It can look a lot of different ways, but ultimately I don’t believe one can really logic their way out of low self-esteem (i.e., with worksheets, journal prompts, etc.).

    I believe the quickest and most effective way is to engage in forms of therapy that specifically target this difference between “I should be kinder to myself” and “I don’t deserve to be kind to myself.” That is - somatic and brain-based forms of therapy such as Brainspotting and EMDR.

    With these approaches to therapy, you’ll work towards finding the root of why you currently see yourself the way you do and instill more positive thoughts about yourself.

  • Others may often tell you you’re too hard on yourself. Every now and then you may recognize it too, but it’s hard to differentiate between things you want to try and motivate yourself and push yourself out of your comfort zone, and what’s going too far.

    If you often find yourself in an internal battle with yourself, stuck between what you want to do and should do, or what you won’t allow yourself to do until X happens (you lose that last 10lbs, someone else validates your feelings), you likely can benefit greatly from therapy that is focused on your self-esteem.

  • I’m excited about the opportunity to support you creating a different (i.e., better) relationship with yourself! We’ll start with a free 20 minute consultation so that we can meet and see how we connect.

    I truly believe the connection between therapist and clients makes all the difference in therapy, so if any of us decides we are not the best fit, I will be happy to provide you with referrals.

  • Here are some ideas to start shifting your perceptions about yourself that can be a helpful addition to counseling:

    "Self-care" isn't a dirty word. Not caring for yourself isn't helping you feel better. How would a caring friend encourage you to care for you? Sleep an extra hour, do something you enjoy, eat a healthy meal, hang out with a friend, etc.

    You've got superpowers! Write down your positive characteristics, what you're good at and have accomplished. Ask a trusted friend: what do they appreciate about you? Read these daily!

    Imagine it, become it. Visualize a future "you" who's done lots of self-esteem growth/ healing. What would they tell you about your worth and value? What advice and guidance would they give?

    Who are your people? Those who experience low self-esteem can engage in counterproductive interpersonal patterns. Spend time with positive, caring and supportive people who care for you as you are.

    Get goals. Break a big goal down into mini-goals that you can work towards over time. As you accomplish these, you'll feel more positive about yourself and your capability to achieve.